the only card i will ever send
Putting your hand over a girls mouth to stop people hearing her moaning is the hottest thing
Kissing her and letting her moan into your mouth is even sexier
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
this year in Vancouver they painted rainbow crosswalks for PRIDE, turns out the city loved them so much they are keeping them permanently!
I found out about this and thought it was so cool I had to upload a picture
photo creds: x
correct me if im wrong but is that a straight couple walking on it?? like… u could have gotten an LGBTQ+ couple for the photo………. if im wrong correct me like i said but
Any fucking sexuality can walk on it does it matter who was on the camera at the time?
To whoever made this you are a fucking genius my friend
having seaweed rub against u when ur swimming in the ocean is like having satan slowly caress ur legs and toes while smiling creepily at u and whispering “mayonnaise”
I feel so uncomfortable
this is one of the funniest things i’ve ever read
my body isnt a temple my body is a castle with a moat and crocodiles and a dragon who will set you on fire if you touch me
YOU ARE THE HERO GOTHAM DESERVES
I’M CRYING BECAUSE OF THAT CAPTION
My hobbies include laying in bed in my underwear while I listen to music and hate myself
Me hugging Hayden Kaiser. While telling him “I like your beard” and he said, “thank you, I like your non-beard” and hugged me tighter. brb crying byE
laughing cow cheese huh?
I BET THAT COW WASNT LAUGHING WHEN YOU SLAUGHTERED IT HUH
you don’t kill a cow
to make cheese
this is literally my favorite
Walk fast, Woods, Walk fast. x